First off, I’m sorry for your break up. Seriously a broken heart is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t care if you have broken your leg in 10 places, if your car broke down on the way to an interview, or if your boss just chewed you out, a broken heart trumps everything. I’ve felt it first hand and have been the comforting shoulder to all of my friends dealing with it. So obviously you have come looking for some kind of self-help, cheer me up, or give me hope blog to help ease the ever increasing ache in your chest. Don’t be embarrassed. I did it. I searched it all in my time. And bawled all the way through. SO saying that I’m putting one of these out there to hopefully help someone like me. I know when I read something even slightly close to my story I felt better.
1. Wallow. Everyone is going to be sympathetic for you the first couple of weeks. So take advantage of that. Get alllllllll of the tears, screams, and sobs out of your body. Curse and scream into your pillow and cry over it. Seriously. I’m not going to tell you to suck it up because that is just not human. You are supposed to feel, and as women we feel a zillion times more than the chump that broke you. So yeah, CRY.
2. The Cleanse. After a couple of weeks though it will be time to start getting back up, and building the broken pieces inside of you. Yeah it’s going to be rough; yeah it’s going to hit you now and then but its time. Get rid of everything you two had together. All the cute trinkets all the memories just box it up and get rid of it. If you are like me and hold on to that shred of hope that maybe you two will get back together, or one day you can be strong and look at the stuff again, just put it in a box out in the back of the closet or crawl space. Out of sight out of mind right? Doing this will help you move on. You won’t have to be reminded everyday of what you had and lost.
3. Closure. I don’t know if you and your ex ended things on good terms or bad. But if you still have un- answered questions make sure they get answered. Now, I don’t mean show up at his house in the middle of the night screaming and crying like a crazy person. No one likes to see that… But instead wait a week or two and give him a call. Tell him your case and listen to his. This way you have some of the control back and don’t feel totally helpless. I called my ex a week after we broke up and he explained everything to me. I told him how I felt and he was actually very nice about the whole thing. Whenever I had a rough day I would look back onto that conversation and know that I did EVERYTHING possible and was left with no regrets or unanswered questions about it.
4. Try to be Happy. Depending on how long you two were going out might be how long it takes you to get over him. I heard like 2 months for every month you were together or something? I think it really depends on your heart and the magnitude of the break up. Mine was completely out of the blue and left me paralyzed. BUT after a couple of months I found myself smiling again and trying to have fun. Go on a trip. Get as far away from him as you can. I traveled to Texas and Illinois in one week and actually had a great time. Surround yourself with the people who LOVE you and who hate him. Lol.
5. Get a Haircut. Seriously, if you feel like you look good then you do. Be confident in yourself so you can get back out there and build up that self-esteem he took away from you. Remember how secure you felt with him? Do it on your own now. Nothing has changed. You are still the amazing person he loved before; he just let something amazing go. You are still you. Embrace it, Love yourself and others will too J
6.Delete him off Facebook and unfollow him on Twitter. This might sound petty but delete him before he deletes you. It will hurt a lot less and it actually feels as if a weight is being lifted off your shoulders! You won’t have to worry about seeing posts from him or constantly wondering if he is looking at your profile and if you have hot enough pictures of yourself on there! Which I mean I do anyways just in case ;). Also, limit yourself to looking at his profile. It took me months to not look at it daily. But when I finally said enough was enough I felt better. Not so anxious of what I would find. Anytime you feel like you want to check it, do something else. Shut off your computer or close out of Facebook and look at something else. It works, swear!
7. WATCH FRIENDS WITH FRIENDS! This show is a God’s send. Seriously. There hasn’t been a mood I was in that FRIENDS didn’t go with it. Happy, sad, bored, mad. It fixes everything. I personally like seasons 5-8 the best :D
8.Religion. This is a touchy subject for people but I will tell you the honest truth that God truly helped me get through this time. I leaned on the bible, Him, and songs to get out my pain and feel a connection. I swear to you more than once I felt his calming peace when I was surrounded by hurt and chaos. Listen to Christian music instead of the hit radio station that will play all the songs that remind you of your ex. Christian music is always upbeat and you might even find yourself relating to the songs and finding peace in the words. The best song that I heard was Stronger by Mandisa. I seriously think the girl was sitting in my heart when she wrote this song. So beautiful and comforting. Just try it :D
Lastly, have hope but also be realistic. My dad said something to me when I was going through this that I have repeated so many times just to calm myself down. He said “If you love somebody, set them free. If they come back to you, their yours. If they don’t, they never really were.” Simple yet strong. Remember this happens to everybody. Everyone has felt a broken heart. It’s just a part of life. Be thankful that maybe your break up isn’t as bad as it could be. I mean at least you’re not a celebrity and its being plastered on every form of media. You WILL be okay. So cliché and so stupid to say but it’s true. My ex and I broke up a year and a half ago and just yesterday on of our “songs” came on the radio and I could listen to it without feeling anything. It’s an amazing feeling when you know you are truly over someone. And you can look back on the relationship and feel okay with it. You had love and you lost it. But you didn’t lose yourself. And most likely will find love again. So cheer up, my friend. It won’t be dark forever :D